


Five Things That Never Happened to Anyone in the Age of Sail: A Curtainfic Medley

by Skud



Category: Hornblower, Master and Commander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sharpe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Live Kennedy Universe, Multi, curtainfic, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-29
Updated: 2009-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-02 06:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skud/pseuds/Skud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Marna said: "You know, there is another advantage to AoS. Curtainfic? Is impossible."</p><p>She should know better by now.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Marna said: "You know, there is another advantage to AoS. Curtainfic? Is impossible."
> 
> She should know better by now.

"Am I to understand that Dr Maturin is a man of property?" asked Mrs Williams, suddenly interested.

"Certainly you are, ma'am," replied Jack, "A great castle, where we stayed for weeks -- but I believe his main estate is at Lerida."

"A castle!" cried Cecilia, suddenly all ears.

"Oh yes, with towers, battlements, a monstrous great Roman bath -- an orange tree growing in the courtyard -- wonderfully romantic."

"What a pleasure it must have been to stay there," said Cecilia, who was of just the temperament to be fascinated by the idea of a castle in Spain, however ruinous.

"Well, I suppose it might have been," admitted Jack, "but I was sick as a dog the whole time we was there. Stephen had the job of looking after me, evicting all the creatures nesting in the corners, finding food for us -- he's a marvellous fellow for animals and fruits, though I'll admit it pained me to see him trying to hang curtains about the place."

"Curtains!" sniffed Mrs Williams. "What would a man know of curtains?"


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought you'd never come back," Archie murmured into Horatio's shoulder, as they lay tangled together in the slowly brightening dawn.

"I didn't know," said Horatio. "They -- nobody told me, until the Doctor found me, and -- I came as quick as I could."

They fell to silence again, Horatio clasping Archie tightly, breathing the same familiar air as him, his never-forgotten scent. The only sounds were the waves on the shore and the faint rustle of palm-leaves overhead. The sun began to rise, glinting off the brilliant blue of the Caribbean sea, and shining in Horatio's eyes. He shut them, and ducked his head down to shut out the glare.

"It is rather bright," Archie said with a soft laugh. "I never stayed so long in bed before -- before now. I think," he added, "that I shall spend the whole day here today." Then, incongruously, he moved as if to get up.

"What are you doing?" Horatio asked, trying to hold on to him, but Archie slipped out of his grasp and wriggled out of the bed to stand naked in the morning light.

"You don't need your shirt today," said Archie, picking it up from the floor. He picked up his own, as well, then hung them both up over the windows, catching the sleeves on the rough framing and blocking the sunlight. "There. We shall be far more comfortable, now."


	3. Chapter 3

"Very fine," said Sharpe, sprawled insolently on one of the sofas. "And here I thought you were a soldier, more used to muck and canvas than silk curtains."

"A soldier I may be," replied Edrington calmly, "but one who, at present, has little to do but play the gracious host. I think the gold will do," he said to the tradesman who stood by with his arms outstretched and draped in various lengths of cloth. "I will need them by Thursday."

"Five bloody weeks, and a party every night."

"Well, until Napoleon sees fit to come and meet us, you will have to get used to it." He eyed Sharpe steadily. "I hope you will not make a scene this time."

Sharpe grinned. "What did Nosey say?"

"That Rossendale used to piss himself at Eton, too."

Sharpe snorted. "That's about bloody right."

"And Richard?" said Edrington. Sharpe looked up. "Pray do not treat my curtains as you do my shirts."


	4. Chapter 4

"And so this is a flag-ship," said Stephen as he came aboard the _Implacable_. "Is it that monstrous great thing that gives it its name, Jack?" He peered aloft, at the blue pennant flying from the mizzen. "Sure, and it is the flag of the world, my dear."

"You may say so when it is red at the main, Stephen, ha, ha," said Jack, ushering him into the great cabin -- truly great, now -- compared to which the _Surprise_'s seemed cramped, though it had been their home for so many years. "Ain't it spacious?" Jack said, looking around with a satisfied, proprietorial air. There was room enough for a long table, several comfortable chairs, a cabinet against the wall; and the stern windows opened out onto a broad gallery, a platform surrounded by a railing, at which they could sit and watch the wake stream out behind them as they played their music. Jack reached to open the doorway, then paused. "The curtains ain't quite to my taste, though," he said, and crossed back to the other door, which he opened. "Pass the word for the sailmaker."

"Sure," said Stephen, "they are a striking colour. Would you call it cerise?"

"I wouldn't call it anything at all. Ah, here he is."

"Sir," said the man who entered, knuckling his forehead.

"Wilson," said Jack, "the foretopgallant seemed rather worn to me."

"Oh, no, sir!" Wilson exclaimed, for he was conscientious in his duty.

"Rather worn, I say. You may bend on a new one and --" he looked deprecatingly at the stern-windows -- "rig me some new curtains out of the old."


	5. Chapter 5

James Norrington was, by now, sufficiently accustomed to the sound of Sparrow scrambling up the wall and clambering through the window that he would hardly have stirred in his sleep if not for the less customary sound of tearing fabric, particularly accompanied as it was by a heavy thud and a stream of curses that made up in originality what they lacked in couth.

"Jack," he said sleepily, "Did you just tear my curtains?"

"I prefer to think of it less as a wanton destruction of property, and more as an opportunity."

James sat up in bed blinking; Sparrow was sitting on the floor, still tangled in the lengths of printed cotton, the curtain-rod caught under his arm. A mysterious assortment of bundles and parcels lay about him. "Opportunity?"

Jack reached for one of the larger parcels, stretching to grab it from where it had fallen almost out of reach. "I brought you something."

"I won't ask," said James, trying to untie the knot in the string that bound the package.

"Better not," said Sparrow, conspiratorially, and handed him a knife.

James cut the string, pulled the wrapping off, and looked at the stiff, patterned fabric folded inside. "Brocade. How ... appropriate."


End file.
